Tuesday, April 16, 2024


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Illustration: Christina Avdikou

Yes, it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. The real questions, though, are why you feel this way and what you will do from here on out.

The spotlight was focused on her a few months ago by the holistic psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera, when she publicly stated that she maintains a relationship with two women at the same time. LePera said she was very social and happy, as were the other two women who live with her.

And I could somehow “hear” this, if at the same time he said “from here my wife and from here my feeling” ( Le. Pa. has said it for years now). In other words, the love he once felt for one, he has now found in the face of the other. LePera, however, confessed in a later interview that she is in love (enjoying sexual relations) with both of them. It happens;

How can you be in love with two people at once

“When my patients ask me this question, they’re usually already in two relationships,” says psychotherapist Randi Gunther Ph.D. “They understand that practically this creates terrible difficulties for them and that they will not be able to continue for long, but at the same time they cannot leave one of the two partners and they wonder what is happening to them.”

” This is a situation that happens often. And yet, even today, people continue to hold onto the romantic idea that in one relationship they should find everything they need from a man. In fact, they feel like a failure when they don’t succeed,” she adds.

The result is that some people, while already in a stable and possibly happy relationship, bring another partner into their lives, usually secretly but possibly also openly, in the context of an open relationship. And then even bigger problems begin.

“The person who maintains two relationships actually runs the great risk of destroying them both, because in the long run most of these situations turn out to be impossible. Even in openly polygamous relationships, one will at some point feel wronged, that they are not a priority for the other, that they are giving more than they are getting, etc.,” says Gunther. So why do people develop romantic feelings and then relationships with more than one person?

She asked her patients to answer this and came to the following conclusions:

  1. They don’t get what they want from the initial relationship and they can’t impose their needs. Can e.g. to love the person, but find sex with them boring.
  2. They believe that one relationship will improve the other. That is, they believe that by satisfying their needs with one relationship they will improve their lives and thus be able to love the original partner more.
  3. While they didn’t intend to cheat on their partner and were just flirting, the situation got out of control and now they can’t stop it.
  4. They feel more secure knowing they have a backup partner should their original relationship end. “That may have been their unconscious intention in the first place, without realizing it,” says Gunther, especially if the first relationship was at a critical turning point.
  5. They were excited by the idea of ​​going against the rules and against the usual “good kid” pattern.
  6. They have been hurt in the past by partners who abandoned them, so now they want to know they have the upper hand.


Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?

Illustration: Christina Avdikou


Love with an expiration date

So it is indeed possible to be for a time in love with two people at the same time. This has been proven by statistics , according to which countless people worldwide declare polygamy. Psychotherapists such as Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. which explains that in the same way that you love your family members and friends non-romantically, you can love more than one person romantically. You can probably confirm this too, having once felt the same way.

However, most agree that it is an ephemeral feeling.

One reason is the very nature of love, which relationship counselor Laurel House describes as “A short-term chemical reaction in your body that acts like a drug. It makes you feel overwhelmed, it clouds the mind, it confuses superficial lust with the deep feeling of love.” And usually after a few months or a few years it subsides.

The other reason is the way society or the environment deals with such situations. “A person’s choice to live polygamously is a transcendence and a pioneering emotional approach in today’s era, when the monogamous lifestyle is the supreme ideal,” psychotherapist Maria Athanasiadou tells OW .

Of course, he adds, despite the critical view of the majority, each person is free to choose how to be emotionally happy in his life.

In any case, if you openly declare your love in the context of a polygamous relationship, as LePera did, you must know that relationships of this kind “have their difficulties and require self-awareness, self-confidence and self-esteem, constant self-observation. Their basis must be honesty, direct communication, boundaries, trust, safety and giving. Those who participate in such relationships define the rules that govern them and together they negotiate and renegotiate their goals, dreams, fears and expectations,” explains Mrs. Athanasiadou.

If you keep your feelings hidden again, you will either find yourself suffering by living a constant lie, or losing everything when they are revealed at some point.

“Each of us should have the right to follow the path that represents him and makes him feel good about himself,” concludes Mrs. Athanasiadou. “It is enough that he also respects the needs and desires of the people with whom he relates.”

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